At the peak of chaos, our souls break down and cry. It is in these moments of hardship that we choose. Do we stay together despite the hardships and stress in moulding a life together. Or do we return to the inconvenient ease that we are familiar with while longing for the beautiful complications that love’s simplicities brings.
As we approach our last week of this unaffordable place, and find LUV in a SUV for however long it takes us to get back up on our feet, or in this case, TD Bank’s unrelenting hold on his funds thanks to Visa Debit theft a month and three paycheques ago still frozen, he reminds me to have faith.
When left with nothing but begging relatives for money and a positive attitude that things will get better, I have broken down and cried. Not just because our crazy landlady for the past two months has tortured me with her passive aggression and recent accusations that we are lying to her about our finances which led to me breaking down in the parking lot of Wendy’s nor the raging screams of a single mom of two as she slams doors so hard they shake our airbed every few hours everyday like clock work which led to our self eviction. I am crying because life gets so hard to breathe sometimes that I don’t know what its all for. How is it possible to be so happy yet so despair ridding at the same time.
Its hard to keep the faith when judgment lies on your doorstep and doubt creeps in the corner. Its hard to think positive when negativity is presumed of you before and after you speak. And it damn well seems impossible when your uncomfortable home turns into an adventurous challenge.
But no matter what it is that quakes within us, deep down inside we rebel. We refuse to settle. This is not my ending. We will not be happy with complacency. We reject the notion that this is it. We are what we make of our story. And no matter how dark the cloud, no matter how brutal the combat, we must fight for our freedom. To choose peace over frustration. To live simply if not conveniently. To stand tall even when pushed down.
This is what makes the human experience more bearable. The opportunity to clothe our souls with the nourishment of God’s promise to always take good care of us. To be thankful for the ability to pray to Him with our deepest worries, and to smile each day for the sunshine guiding the way past the mountains.