Uncertainty Embraces Us

Conflict teaches us where we wanna be next.

Hope leads us out of our doubts.

Time shows us how often God loves us.

Cherish reminds us to embrace each other beyond our differences.

Memory tells us that storms have calmed before.

And tenacity gives us vision for better.

Ameen.

“Just Like Fire”, Pink

P.S. Thank you for all the heartfelt prayers as we navigate these waters. Success. Ease. Ameen.

This entry was posted on August 7, 2017. 3 Comments

Become Epic

One of the most difficult tasks in the aftermath of a fight is dealing with the mess of emotions in its wake.

We struggle in relationships because dealing with another person is uncontrollable. It’s uncomfortable. It’s revealing.

Our fights have escalated to the point where I realize how unhealthy they are and yet I’m drawn to how we can improve as individuals. Am I the sick cycle carousel?

Does it matter who’s right and how wrong. When do you know to call it quits.

Another screaming match. Another door slam.

Why do we reopen our wounds

Ease.

Ameen.

This entry was posted on July 26, 2017. 3 Comments

Anger

Well, my partner was laid off. That or fired which messes us up for unemployment insurance.

He hasn’t been paid since mid December, and the terrible new HR Director basically told him if he doesn’t sign a waiver of release that remaining amounts owed to him won’t be paid.
Ha.
As if they will pay him at all.
Apparently larger monopoly companies such as this do this all the time.
All I can say is, karma.
Humpff!!
Ease.
Success.
Ameen.

This entry was posted on July 17, 2017. 2 Comments

Girth

Growth means leaning towards different directions that may be unfamiliar to us.

Change can be scary.

So is standing still.

Sometimes things fall apart as a way of falling into place, they say.

Trust in Him.

Ameen

Dedicated to Julia

And Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

Quote from Recent Post

Closing The Cycle

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.” Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.” 

-Paulo Coelho

This entry was posted on July 6, 2017. 7 Comments

Bridges


I don’t know where I’m meant to go next.

Maybe it’s not up to me to decide. 

God’s got this.

Step aside and let Him guide you to your next transition. 

Within yourself.

With who you are.

Just know that He has your hand even if you think you are flailing.

And somehow keeps around the right people, even when we try to push them away.

Leaving is always an option. Searching deep inside your heart for the truth is harder.

It’s never been about who you are with.

It’s always been about passing these tests in life of our character.

Love is not commitment only when it’s convenient. It’s not about unbearable sacrifice either. It’s about finding within yourself the love you lacked growing up, and learning a new way to develop it with chapters. Sometimes it’s just you. But if you do find someone who loves you at your worst and still loves you like you’re the best, then maybe this is the change you have been looking for.

Success. Forgiveness. Faith. Ameen.

This entry was posted on July 6, 2017. 4 Comments

Gah

My tummy upset lately. My partner been threatened with layoffs. 

My trainer doesn’t know I’m replacing him. He thinks I’m just his backup at work. I feel terrible. I’m not sure I would stay in this temp role long term. It seems demanding. And it’s only 20 hours a week half days Mon to Fri. Not enough to pay rent.

Not sure if I should go back to Ontario. We have talked about it. Breaking up doesn’t seem to be an option. Our fights have been nightmares before. Like horrible siblings. Is this what commitment looks like. Such uncertainty. Not sure what to do. We have happy moments unlike none other, but very dark moments too.

God guide us. To success. Ameen.

This entry was posted on July 6, 2017. 6 Comments

Cheese….      Please

My life at a glance:

  • Today I had an interview: 20 people crammed in the same room for three hours for only one casual part time airline customer service position. Yeah. That was interesting. More so the part where I was subtly dismissed from what I could only gather as my lack of Barbie lookalikeness. Yeah. That was fun.
  • My partner’s payroll is still amiss. To date, he was paid mid December last year and mid May once, for half a month’s wages this year. So…. only seven more months worth of owed wages to go. Stress doesn’t begin to describe it.
  • Threatened with eviction nearly every month due to the above while I struggle to get one shift a week, or two if I’m lucky in retail.
  • Booked for a temp role tomorrow but wage and recruiter seem shady. As in, please don’t promise me $15 on the phone and drop it to $14 in an email without response for past five days due to holiday weekend just before assignment is tomorrow for mornings only five days a week. Oy.
  • My ex-husband seems to be making his mid-life crisis my problem by continuously emailing me (now four times) with verbal diarrhea such as please tell him am I single or with someone, how many things he has done for me, and that I should respond to him for the sake of God. And his last email prompting me to reply with a YES/NO as to if I’m okay. It’s funny how after eight years, somehow I still owe someone something. Silence is a response. Sheesh.
  • I have gained two sizes heavier though I suspect it’s due to my underweight before and underactivity now. That or clothing manufacturers are secretly bumping down clothing sizes to make us feel fat. My partner’s family blame it on the potatoes and perogies he keeps feeding me, though they like me just the way I am. So far. I have yet to scare them with my crankiness. And he loves me just the way I am. Though at times I’m sure I’m driving him completely insane with my worry. Ah. Love.
  • My mom lost her job before Xmas. And by lose I mean those jerks laid her off before Xmas. Yes, I’m boycotting Home Hardware. She is studying for her exam to sell life insurance. I’ve tried to tip toe on how much advice I can give her as I know it’s rough.
  • I feel pretty isolated out here. Well, at least there is Hay Day, gym, and mmm…my love life? We have our highs and lows and bad fights but somehow God has kept us together. It’s been brutally rough for us and somehow our spirituality and prayers keep the darker forces abay while we focus on what’s important.
  • We attended his nephew’s communion in June. Yup. Went to church during Ramadan. That was interesting. What’s with all the singing..gahh…I was looking forward to a sermon or something.
  • Overall I would say I’m taking life day by day. We could be living back in the car again if his paycheck doesn’t magically appear, but we have survived rougher before and still somehow find humour and gratitude after the dust of chaos settles. Not sure what this says about my life being underemployed and nearing houselessness again, (sniffle) but you do the best with what you have, where you are.

Ease. Success. Ameen.

This entry was posted on July 4, 2017. 4 Comments