25 Things I Have Learned About Being in a Relationship

  1. You can’t control everything
  2. You can’t control a person.
  3. You can only control yourself and your reactions, how you think about something determines your reality
  4. Forgiveness can feel empty without effort
  5. Love has highs and lows with highs that outweigh the lows most of the time
  6. Love gets you through the lows reminding you to dance
  7. Humour goes a long way to not killing each other
  8. Honesty is an ingredient used wisely
  9. Trust is built, taken, rebuilt, chipped, built some more
  10. Time shows you the canvas of the relationship. It ain’t always pretty but it can be beautiful
  11. Loyalty is absolutely important.
  12. There is no relationship without commitment to be kind, even when we forget, we apologize and makeover
  13. You can have most of what you want in a person but you can’t have every single detail perfect. In fact, that’s what makes them loveable
  14. When you fight, remind yourself of who you are really fighting. Oftentimes, it has nothing to do with the person in front of us
  15. Facing your inner demons is hard: admitting we need help at times can be downright vulnerable, tres scary
  16. When your ex-husband contacts you eight times and asks to remarry you, he is really searching for the old part of you and himself. Be renewed.
  17. Communication is a constant process and needs just as much attention as your hair cut: trim too much and you fall short, leave it for too long and you become angry.
  18. Boundaries are to us what water is to seagulls: we must sqwuak to hail what is important to us
  19. Stress can highlight what drives you crazy about your partner: try to remember and appreciate all the other 99 things you love about them, because you never know when God will make them a memory
  20. When life feels outta sorts, try to focus on what is good about today: how the Universe has blessed us and how far we have come
  21. If you miss the days of being single, try going online and remind yourself how much fun that process was. Let your partner know of course and have a good laugh about it
  22. Explore new things together, hobbies or quirks about each other: learning how to love each other better everyday
  23. Be responsible in how effectively we love someone, and also know we can’t control what they do with it, only our super abilities to love more and more each day
  24. In moments of darkness, pray for light and guidance
  25. It is not our relationship status that determines our worth: it is how worthy you feel in this relationship that determines it’s status

PS. Thank you for all the heart felt prayers for us as he hunts for work and we have until end of this month to find something or back to the car we go I think…either way, thank you so much. Success. Ease. Ameen.

“Say You Won’t Let Go”, James Arthur

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This entry was posted on September 4, 2017. 1 Comment

Uncertainty Embraces Us

Conflict teaches us where we wanna be next.

Hope leads us out of our doubts.

Time shows us how often God loves us.

Cherish reminds us to embrace each other beyond our differences.

Memory tells us that storms have calmed before.

And tenacity gives us vision for better.

Ameen.

“Just Like Fire”, Pink

P.S. Thank you for all the heartfelt prayers as we navigate these waters. Success. Ease. Ameen.

This entry was posted on August 7, 2017. 3 Comments

Become Epic

One of the most difficult tasks in the aftermath of a fight is dealing with the mess of emotions in its wake.

We struggle in relationships because dealing with another person is uncontrollable. It’s uncomfortable. It’s revealing.

Our fights have escalated to the point where I realize how unhealthy they are and yet I’m drawn to how we can improve as individuals. Am I the sick cycle carousel?

Does it matter who’s right and how wrong. When do you know to call it quits.

Another screaming match. Another door slam.

Why do we reopen our wounds

Ease.

Ameen.

This entry was posted on July 26, 2017. 3 Comments

Anger

Well, my partner was laid off. That or fired which messes us up for unemployment insurance.

He hasn’t been paid since mid December, and the terrible new HR Director basically told him if he doesn’t sign a waiver of release that remaining amounts owed to him won’t be paid.
Ha.
As if they will pay him at all.
Apparently larger monopoly companies such as this do this all the time.
All I can say is, karma.
Humpff!!
Ease.
Success.
Ameen.

This entry was posted on July 17, 2017. 2 Comments

Girth

Growth means leaning towards different directions that may be unfamiliar to us.

Change can be scary.

So is standing still.

Sometimes things fall apart as a way of falling into place, they say.

Trust in Him.

Ameen

Dedicated to Julia

And Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

Quote from Recent Post

Closing The Cycle

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.” Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.” 

-Paulo Coelho

This entry was posted on July 6, 2017. 7 Comments

Bridges


I don’t know where I’m meant to go next.

Maybe it’s not up to me to decide. 

God’s got this.

Step aside and let Him guide you to your next transition. 

Within yourself.

With who you are.

Just know that He has your hand even if you think you are flailing.

And somehow keeps around the right people, even when we try to push them away.

Leaving is always an option. Searching deep inside your heart for the truth is harder.

It’s never been about who you are with.

It’s always been about passing these tests in life of our character.

Love is not commitment only when it’s convenient. It’s not about unbearable sacrifice either. It’s about finding within yourself the love you lacked growing up, and learning a new way to develop it with chapters. Sometimes it’s just you. But if you do find someone who loves you at your worst and still loves you like you’re the best, then maybe this is the change you have been looking for.

Success. Forgiveness. Faith. Ameen.

This entry was posted on July 6, 2017. 4 Comments

Gah

My tummy upset lately. My partner been threatened with layoffs. 

My trainer doesn’t know I’m replacing him. He thinks I’m just his backup at work. I feel terrible. I’m not sure I would stay in this temp role long term. It seems demanding. And it’s only 20 hours a week half days Mon to Fri. Not enough to pay rent.

Not sure if I should go back to Ontario. We have talked about it. Breaking up doesn’t seem to be an option. Our fights have been nightmares before. Like horrible siblings. Is this what commitment looks like. Such uncertainty. Not sure what to do. We have happy moments unlike none other, but very dark moments too.

God guide us. To success. Ameen.

This entry was posted on July 6, 2017. 6 Comments